"If I were going to make up an alias, I wouldn't pick Rosenberg. I'd pick Jolie or Pitt."

"Do terrorists wear Manolo Blahniks? I can tell you Donna Karan does not make anything that hides a bomb.... I tried the tears; they didn't work. I tried reasoning. I couldn't bribe because I didn't have any money..."

Does Joan Rivers look like a terrorist? Well, she does look suspicious.